I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
