last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
