I think i peed on brittanys purse
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
50% drunk capacity currently
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
