I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
