In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
