Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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