Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
