I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
