My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
