Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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