So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
