i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
