nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
