remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
