I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
