Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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