Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
