Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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