I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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