My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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