I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
