the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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