Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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