we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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