doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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