Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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