he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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