and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
