There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
