I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
