This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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