non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
