You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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