i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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