i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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