well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will be naked everywhere
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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