Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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