I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
