can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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