i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
