dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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