The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize