nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
