I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
