Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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