I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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