I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
