No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize