I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
