maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
