Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
