I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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