Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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