my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
