I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
