What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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