idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
