She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm like, not good at living.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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