I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize