i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
