I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize