So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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