Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
