i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize