Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
