dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
