so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
