so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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