When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
