Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
