News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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